Adventures Of A Nollywood Wakapass
“Egbami o. Mo ku o. Mo daran o”
I paused, tried to gauge his expression but saw nothing.
Look at this one o, after acting my life out at this audition he is just going to give me the blank stare?
And like that attitude was not enough, he yawned, stretched towards the door and said, “Next!”
“Madam, we would contact you if we pick you” then he screamed, “Next!”
An overdressed, watermelon-boobs-baring-too-much-makeup-wearing babe rushed in and almost knocked me over as she took my place at the audition stand.
I hissed and walked out. Oloriburuku. He still held grudges against me.
And like the last audition I went for after our incident, I knew I was not getting this one.
Let me introduce this Oga Director before I introduce myself.
His name is… aint no way in hell I am mentioning his name on TNS before he comes for me and my career that has not left Airport runway yet not to talk of taking off.
But I can describe.
He used to have dreads. He directs Yoruba movies. He is the watered down (you can be generous with the water -_-) version of his talented elder brother. Rumors are they don’t talk. They have a famous father who is late.
Enough of the description.
So you see, this Oga Director once did audition for a movie where we the actresses were supposed to seduce to nab our role. And I fucked up.
Don’t blame me, the day before, I (by the way I am 26 years old) had gone out with my boyfriend no 3 who is 21 years old (chill, I can explain. Not today sha) and we ate Chinese.
Thing is, I’m from Warri – I was there till my mother left my father to marry a man she thought was rich and then ended up not being rich in Lagos – so I wasn’t genetically processed to eat Chinese.
But this my small boyfriend, his father has money and as an Actress I haven’t hammered yet so I always need the paper. And that is why I hang around him, and eat Chinese.
Sha this day, he overfed me with Chinese and I think I got constipated. Later that night, my friend BBM’ed me and said Oga Director was trying to film something with plenty nude scenes and he needed people who were bold.
Me that I am bolder than blackberry, hmm, I was ready.
I got to the audition venue with sexy clothes and well, constipated belly.
Anyway, as we were auditioning, Oga say make I act like I’m already acting and he is the guy I’m seducing. Ha, that is how I did sexy moves for him o, me that I have watched Kim Kardashian’s video with Ray J many times so I know sexy without thinking.
I was this close to getting the role (I think) when I shoved my ass in his face, bent so I could you know give him the shake and then praaaaa I farted.
Right in his mouth because according to him, he was about to say “Nice one baby”
Anyway, safe to say he threw me out and refused to give me the role or any other role again for that matter.
And now, like the last two months, I am again without an acting job. Smh. But I have Instagram so I would keep posting for my 15k followers.
Please if you have any acting job you’re not using, send it my way.
Ehen, by the way my name is Bomaventure. And no, it is not my real name.
See you next week with another update from my life as an Actress. Until then, I have a selfie to take. Bye…