Remember my second boyfriend? The one who fed me Chinese and caused me to lose that audition because I got constipated and farted in the face of a Director?
He thinks we should get engaged. Note, engaged not married. He does not know if or when he would get married but he wants pre-wedding photos on Bellanaija weddings and Owambe Parties or whatever the other less popular accounts are called.
Me, I don’t understand why someone will aspire to pre-wedding photos and not wedding itself, so I started arguing.
Until he told me he was going to introduce me to his Uncle who invests in Nollywood movies.
My excitement grew like wildfire sha and I almost starved myself to death trying to fit into clothes two sizes smaller than me.
Anyway, the day to meet his Parents came and needless to say his Parents did not like me or as they said, “Choice of career”. That is how I saw myself convincing them that this acting business is a fruitful and rewarding career. I started naming names, calling actresses that had made it, were about to make it, wanted to make it but somehow have not made it and, the ones who looked like they were going to make it but will never make it.
My never-would-be-parents in law sha didn’t want to hear. So I started crying. I was not crying because they didn’t like me. Heck, I didn’t like them either. I was crying because I was going to have to break up with my boyfriend which really means breaking up with his money.
There was no heartbreak bigger than that.
So I cried and cried and cried but they didn’t change their minds. In fact, my never-would-be-mother in law came to my room that night and said sorry but what had to be done had to be done plus she didn’t even think I was a good Actress cos I couldn’t even pretend to cry!
I went to bed crying because of two things; I was breaking up with my boyfriend’s money and I couldn’t even act like I was crying.
Beht the next day, the biggest twist came. Trust me, it rivaled most movies.
So as I was rehearsing how to cry, just in case I got a role that needed my tears, I heard noises.
Desperate to know what was going on especially since the noises wouldn’t stop, I stepped out.
Guess what the cause of the wahala was?
Hehehe, my boyfriend’s sister came home and told them she didn’t want to study law anymore, she wanted to take an Acting course in the UK instead.
I laughed so hard ehn, I couldn’t help it.
And from the look on the face of my never-would-be-mother in law, my laughter convinced her the way my tears never could.