Bomaventure: The adventures of a Nollywood Wakapass.
Have you ever wanted something so bad, worked hard for it and it finally falls through?
You have? Okay. Now, have you ever had that thing snatched out of your hands before you can think?
You haven’t? Well, I have… seen it happen.
And it happened a month ago.
So, since I cannot seem to get a correct role, I have become a production assistant.
Abeg, no blame me. A girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do.
And recession is receding not just my hairline but my bank account and my food stuff.
So since I cannot be inside feem, I decided to be on the corridor of feem.
Anyway, back to the main gist.
So they cast this bros and this chic as lovers inside the feem I’m talking about.
I wanted the role, but of course the Producer said it will be a disaster.
He said I should just take my space behind the scenes jeje.
So I sat behind the scenes, watching my destiny in another person’s hands, mouthing the lines.
Hoping there will be a boko haram effect and things will blow.
You see, rumor has it that this bros and the chic they cast do not like each other.
How do I know? Well, I belong to NWAGN which means, Non Working Actors Guild Of Nigeria. And, since we don’t get to be part of anything meaningful, we keep ourselves up to date with the drama in the Actors’ lives.
So, this bros and this chic have bad blood.
Note: bros is one of those yellow skinned accent speaking Actors that wear thin trousers and are more popular on Instagram than in movies.
Bros once toasted madam co-star, she said no and he went and started spreading rumors about her.
She on the other hand went and started telling everyone he has mouth odor and wait for it, STD.
Sha, things escalated and they hate each other.
So when they came on this set, I knew that yawa will gas.
And it did.
“And action!” I heard the Director shout and before everyone knew it, madam actress bit bros on the lower lip.
She didn’t just bite, he bled!
Wawu, vampire tinz.
Somebody said near me. The Actor started yelling cut but nobody answered.
Then he said in his Amerigbo accent (American + Igbo accent) “chai, the bitch vampired me! I am calling the Po-po”
And in thirty or so minutes, Police came true true.
And everything went belly up.
I laughed so hard, I farted.
I am still laughing now.
Abegi, I am a sore loser.
Until next Monday, plix.