BY ANDREW OKE
So, I went a-browsing recently and I happened upon the teaser for the new Nollywood movie; Diary of a Lagos Girl. I know what you’re thinking: “Did he do that by mistake?” and the answer is… well… it’s yes. I was looking for a video of a cat playing the piano (not porn. Definitely not porn) and I just stumbled upon it.
The video is just over a minute long and I think I had about three naps in that time (Four if you count my power nap at the 23 second point). It’s obvious the filmmakers have either NEVER seen a movie trailer or have a very broad definition for the word “teaser.”
The teaser was literally just a small part of an excruciatingly drab scene where the “Lagos Girl” played by Dolapo Oni (who is apparently an actress now) is having a lifeless conversation with some guy with who’s apparently trying to become a wizard and/or witch (I’m serious. That actually happened in the trailer… I mean teaser). That’s the “teaser.” Nothing more. That’s all folks!
I can’t lie; I died a little on the inside when the teaser was (finally) over. It was sooo boring and sooo depressing. It’s almost as if the filmmakers were trying to make people AVOID the movie, which is the exact opposite effect that a trailer/teaser is supposed to have on its viewership.
If a movie is sex, its trailer/teaser is the foreplay. It’s supposed to get you excited. It’s supposed to get you all hot and bothered. Grease you up in anticipation for the big F… FILM (not the other F-word). This teaser got me about as excited as a sloth watching a nature documentary about sloths.
Diary of a Lagos Girl is currently playing in cinemas. If you do see it, make sure you go to the cinema with a pillow and a duvet, because if the movie is as boring as the teaser, you’ll need it.