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Welcome to the very first edition of The World According to Onoshe (TWACCO)? I’m not really sure if an introduction is very useful to you at this point. Except to serve as a reminder that I did promise to make this worth your while. I haven’t actually made that promise. But yes, I’ll do my best to make this worth your while.
Welcome again to my world or the world according to me.
So Tuface is Nigeria’s favourite musician?
According to a poll conducted by the Abuja-based NOI Polls, Tuface (Innocent) Idibia is Nigeria’s most liked musician. 13 per cent of those polled chose Tuface as their favourite musician. Musicians like Davido (7%), Frank Edwards (6%) and Wizkid (5%) were the other musicians on the list. I’m not sure who or the age groups of those interviewed but I’ll like to think the respondents fit into the group that listens to Tuface’s music.
In any case, I do not doubt that more Nigerians picked Tuface as their favourite musician. If I’d been asked, I would’ve picked Tuface from that list. I’ve loved his music all the way from his Plantashun Boiz days. Back then, I used to feel like I knew something the rest of the world hadn’t yet discovered.
But did the 13% base their decision on Tuface’s latest album ‘The Ascension’ and does this reflect on the copies of ‘The Ascension’ that have been sold?
You can take Ben TV out of Nigeria…
I don’t know whether it’s a case of ‘you can take a man out of Nigeria but you can’t take Nigeria out of him’. Otherwise, why would a station based in the UK, exposed to extremely high standards look like a Nigerian-based TV station. Actually, let’s not be unfair to Nigerian-based TV stations. I’m not sure there is any TV station back here that’s as visually annoying (just to look at) as the London-based Ben TV (Sky 182).
You always know when you’re on Ben TV. Pictures would be dull and visuals on the whole, dark-ish. On this day, mid October, there was a female presenter dressed like a night worker interviewing a guest. Not her dressing nor her comportment or her questions appeared or sounded professional.
Can someone please help tell Ben TV to stop spoiling our (already bad) name.
In Abuja, blank means ‘Go’
You know the nursery rhyme about traffic lights, something to the effect ‘Red means stop, Yellow/Amber means Get ready, Green Means Go’? I may not have got the words right. As my kids are tired of hearing, I didn’t attend a nursery school. But you do get my drift?
Well, if that song were to be taught to little kids today in Abuja, it would be ‘Blank Means Go’. On the most popular of roads, I’m talking about the Ahmadu Bello Way where you have the famous Eagle Square and government secretariat, even the Federal Capital Territory offices where the minister works from. The lights would begin by showing red, sometimes yellow then blank. You’re woken up from your daze when other drivers begin to blow their horns. Blank means you should ‘Go’, stupid. And this is the Federal Capital Territory?
Perchance, Senator Bala Mohammed is too preoccupied with running the FCT or planning to go and run (down) Bauchi State? that he hasn’t noticed. Remember he accused civil servants sometime ago of hiding things in their files so he wouldn’t see them?
By ‘things’, he meant beggars and motorcycles on the streets.
Chi’s Super ‘unhygienic’ Bite
Have you seen the TV ad for Chi Super Bite? Just in case its name is not self-explanatory, Chi Super Bite belongs to the Gala type family of sausage rolls. For all we know, Chi’s Super Bite could be the best thing since sliced bread.
However the TVC doesn’t do it justice. In the said ad, a girl places bits of the Chi Super Bite (for a guy I can only presume she admires) at strategic locations. He discovers, picks and then eats them one by one. I’m sure Eve could’ve learnt one or two things from this ad as she didn’t go to this much trouble in order to get Adam to eat the forbidden apple in the Biblical Garden of Eden.
Wondering about the health implications though.
“I’m not sure I understand the direction of your dialogue”.
“We’ve not exhausted the details”.
It’s not my place to judge what’s good for your anatomy”.
-Lines from Rosa, a Kenyan soap, dstv channel 155, Saturday October 25, 11 am-ish.
The person who said: ‘I’m not sure I understand the direction of your dialogue’ was speaking to one person-her husband. How does one person engage in a dialogue with himself?
As for the other two sentences, I’m not sure where to begin or if it’s possible to begin. I can only imagine that Rosa’s scriptwriters were translating directly from a Kenyan dialect and things got screwed up in the translation or transliteration.