BY ‘SEGUN ODEJIMI
It’s one of the reasons many of those white dudes don’t take us seriously. It’s probably one of the reasons the government doesn’t regard the industry seriously; well except when it’s election period and they need some more noise on their campaign train. And I’m quite certain it is one of the reasons the average Nigerian doesn’t take Nollywood seriously.
Hilarious but shame-inducing subtitling.
As inconsequential as it seems to many movie makers – after all, the most important thing is the action, the picture, and the sound, so why waste some extra thousands hiring someone with his language brain screwed upside up – bad subtitles kill viewer interest faster than poison kills victims in typical Nollywood films.
Here are just 29 of the subtitles that landed us at intensive care units when we saw them.
1. You’re a huge disappoint.
You mean like the present governm…? Never mind.
2. Let’s go inside and take a birth
And after, we’ll take bath control pills, right?
3. Are you pregnants?
Erm, yes. My boyfriend gave me three.
4. Dad, I did not still it
…I simply put it in motion, that’s why you didn’t see it where you kept it.
5. Unzip your trouser and show your manhood to your mother
She can touch it while you all are at it. *side eye*
6. You are two beautiful than one can let go.
..only two or more will be strong enough to let you go.
7. The person you killed is dead.
After you killed her, she was hospitalized for a week before she finally died last night.
8. In three hour times .
I promise to keep to times, ah swear!
9. I don’t want any pastor to charter my dreams.
Except he books it a month before, right?
10. I want to hiss myself.
You need to see how I hiss whenever I’m in the bathroom.
11. Good morning, what of if I do not good morning.
Then you could good afternoon.
12. Thanks you Doctor .
You’re welcomes. *grins*
13. let me talk to your husband; any where you get a house, am going to stand as a shurty for you.
…But I may need to come with my stool in case I need to sit on the shurty.
14. You are every foolish.
You need to become each smart.
15. If you don’t marrying me I will dead
But if you marrying me, I will lived. It’s your call.
16. Is this not alcohol am piercing from your mouth?
Yes dear. The damned alcohol also pierced my tongue, my nose and my right ear.
17. I should abortion?
I prefer to delivery.
18. I went to the doctor, and I was discover 6 weeks pregnancy.
Awesome discover. Awesome!
19. Do you know he came with a first class upper?
His brilliance is upper than everyone else’s.
20. (Aminat pleading on behalf of her mother for peace to rain.)
In fact, she brought an umbrella with her.
21. You are every foolish.
22. I agreed with you Daddy, but help me ask where did she got all this pregnant?
…Her bag was filled with numerous pregnancies of different shapes and sizes.
23. I told her that we will did it.
…But she didn’t believed me.
24. I would have cried a foul but the pastor said it in my repertoire.
The foul ended up crying by itself so we were fine.
25. VIEW WEEKS LATER
…the audience arrived.
26. But to god be the glory. He create things and out nothings.
…And puts them in somewheres.
27. Armer robbed is no job.
So says the Nigerian Harmy.
28. The Almighty should please ill you
So that you can be hellthy.
29. Put your mind at arrest.
I’ve alerted the EFCC, they are on their way.