BY SEGUN ODEJIMI
Dear Tonto Dikeh,
How is Mr. X…sorry, Mr. Churchill? I hope you guys are having fun on your honeymoon. The first night must have been thunderous considering it’s the first time you… Never mind.
I’m sorry, but I might have to disrupt your honeymoon a little. I didn’t start it though. Your fellow Nollywood participant did. His name is Gideon Okeke. You might have heard of him. Yes? Cool!
Here’s what he did. Nigerian Twitter was about to go to bed last night when it was jerked into full consciousness. Oga Gideon tweeted something. He doesn’t tweet much but when he does, they are tweets from the feet of wisdom. His ability to proffer solutions to the world’s greatest problems with his tweet is only matched by a few of these political Twitter boys like @AyeDee and @Renomokri. If you haven’t seen the tweet, it reads: Ha! So Aunty last last marries “Mr X”. Not like it’s stops the rain from pouring tho…
At first, apart from the gbagaun, I didn’t think it meant anything. Especially when I saw “aunty.” You didn’t even cross my mind. You just got married so you shouldn’t be referred to as “aunty.” You’re not that old nah. But when I saw your code, “Mr X”, I was convinced he was tweeting about you.
However, I don’t get the rain pouring part. Oh… maybe he means that since we’re still in August, we should expect more rain. Oh, you see, Gideon is an actor and a weather man. Very difficult professions to combine! But what has that got to do with you getting married? Or did it rain that day?
That is the part I think you should put a call through to Gideon about. Ask him to clarify what he meant. Flooding is one of the problems Nigeria faces. If your wedding does not stop the rain falling, then Nollywood, and Nigeria might be in serious trouble. Please call him.
By the way, now that you are married, I hope all these blogs and tabloids would just stop fabricating devilish rumours about you and other men sharing intimate stuff. I wonder why you are an easy target for them. You, who we all know to be easy going, cool headed and 120% morally upright.
Just so you know, whenever I hear your “Sugar Rush” song, I get a sudden rush in my feet. Not to dance though, but to do something with them to the radio. That’s how much of a fan of you I am.