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In My Head: “I’m Happy I Taught Mercy Aigbe A Lesson, I’ll Do It Again Sef!” – Lanre Gentry

Amidst reports that Lanre Gentryhas fled to Israel, I caught up with him over the telephone

Amidst reports that Lanre Gentry, embattled husband of Nollywood actress – Mercy Aigbe – has fled to Israel, I caught up with him over the telephone.

Our conversation is below:

 

ME: Bros, well done.

LG: What did I did?

ME: Nothing. I was just hailing you bros.

LG: Thank you.

ME: So, let’s begin here. We hear you didn’t beat Mercy. That she’s just lying. Is that true?

LG: Who told you that lie? Who say I didn’t beat her? I beat her.

ME: Really?

LG: Yes, and if I see her again, I must beat her another one.

ME: Why? It’s improper to beat a woman.

LG: Who say? Your father? If a woman did not do well, can we not correct her? She disobey me and flaunt my constitution. So, is it mopol I will go and call to beat my wife for me?

ME: How did she disobey you?

LG: She say I cheat upon her. Mercy think because she is a movie star, I cannot show her a discipline?

ME: Sir? A what?

LG: A discipline now. To punch her whole in the face.

ME: She alleged that you broke a bone in her nose and she has been bleeding since.

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LG: I will break her head this time. And put it into a comma…

ME: Coma sir. Comma is a punctuation.

LG: Yes, it is my exact meaning. I will punctuate her sense for her. She will want to serve me food, that is even when she decides to cook food. She will now think everybody is calling her Mercy Aigbe, Mercy Aigbe, she will not kneel down and put the food in my mouth. Not only that, she will be flying to several countries and enter first class plane with chauffeur…

ME: Sorry bros, but chauffeur means driver…

LG: I mean the type of aircraft that have expensive service… She will enter it to foreign countries with my money…

ME: But we heard that you don’t have enough money for such luxury. They say you are broke and your hotel business is in a mess…

LG: Who say? Linda Ikeji? Have you gone to ask my accountant in my Opebi hotel how much they rake in monthly? I have money. Plenty. But like I said, Mercy has been spreading wings. She is living lavish even when I say she should cut it down. From a party to another. She forget she have some husband at home when she is gallivanting around. I will beat her again if I have to.

ME: But sir, didn’t you know she was a star actress before you married her?

LG: Ehn and so? Is she not supposed to respect her husband. Is this not Nigeria?

 

ME: Maybe she is right by taking you to court and having you put in jail.

LG: What concern the government in man beating a wife? Is that why they vote them in?

ME: They are the custodians of the law. That’s part of their job.

LG: Then they should make the prison conducive. Let them face that one. Imagine… there are no ACs there or water dispensor…

ME: It’s dispenser sir.

LG: I don’t care. They should sha do that place well. It is annoying. And those agberos. In that place, they were even saying something about soaps and how I must not pick it up.

ME: [already laughing hysterically]

LG: They want to me to waste soap, as if it is their father that bought it for me. [pauses] Young man, what is funny?

ME: Nothing. Just amused about the irony of the correlation an hotelier has with soap. By the way sir, is it true you have fled?

LG: Are you not calling me on my Nigerian number?

ME: Well… it may be that you are roaming.

LG: It is your uncles that will roam!

ME: No, it’s not a curse. I don’t mean roam like a mad man…

LG: Oh now, you’re calling me a mad man?

ME: No! But considering how you battered Mercy Aigbe, I may well call you that sir. With all due respect!

LG: [ends call]

ME: [dials number again, gets “number busy” response]

[5 minutes later]

ME: [dials number again, gets “switched off” response]

[END]

 

If you think this conversation took place between Lanre Gentry and I, Linda Ikeji has just asked Opemititi Ajayi for her account number with the aim of transferring the N500 million defamation lawsuit amount. 

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Written by Segun Odejimi

Apostle of Sarcasm. Writer. Editor of TNSnigeria. Producer of Segun & the Gang.

Trained as a media/theatre artist and has worked in advertising, TV and radio.