, ,


“What If I Stalked John Boyega? I Was Only Trying To Shoot My Shot” – Toke Makinwa (IN MY HEAD)

BY ‘SEGUN ODEJIMI


Yesterday, TNS published an exclusive about how TV girl, Toke Makinwa had reportedly been stalking British-Nigerian Hollywood star John Boyega since he arrived Nigeria for holiday last December.

Before that, Toke had narrated on her Instagram how she was assaulted at a Lagos restaurant by the actor’s security detail.

This morning, I put a call through to the “On Becoming” author – in my head – and below is our conversation.

– Hi Toke. My name is ‘Segun Odejimi. I am almost certain you have never heard about me. I am not a Hollywood star, neither do I manufacture make-up. I’m just someone who wants to know if it is true that you have stalked John Boyega since he arrived Nigeria.

– Yes I have.

– Yes you have heard about me or yes you have stalked John Boyega?

– Yes I have been going where John Boyega has been going.

– Why?

– Have you seen that guy?

– No. Not personally. In Star Wars and all the rest of it, yes.

– Dude is cute. He has a British accent and he is single like me.

– Erm, but you are definitely older.

– So? Isn’t Juliet Ibrahim older than Iceberg Slim?

– Haha! So you wanted John to notice you?

– Yes. He came to Nigeria to find a wife while holidaying. I wanted to make his search much easier.

– But people around him say you were stalking him even though at each event or place, he didn’t even give you “face”.

– I wasn’t stalking him. I was only shooting my shot. In fact, what if I stalked him? When did it become a crime to try and shoot shot? Besides, he was going to notice me at Crossroads before his guard came to embarrass me.

– Oh… that’s why you were so angry and wrote that epistle on your Instagram page?

– If it were you, wouldn’t you be angry if one idiot just came to spoil your shine at quarter to your victory hour.

– It’s true sha. If my phone as much as rings when I’m about to meet Nancy Isime, I will break it and feed it to the dogs.

– Ehen, you see! We are all humans, ‘Segun. I don’t care what the haters say. If they like, let them say what I am doing is unbecoming, it doesn’t matter to me. If I can bleach my skin just to satisfy my ex-husband, then you should know that I am a woman who goes all out to achieve her goals.

– [mutters] Oshey! Èèyàn Omoni Oboli.

– What? Didn’t hear that.

– It was nothing jare. So now that the Crossroads option has failed, what next are you going to do?

– Shebi he is still around. Watch me.
If you believe this conversation is real, 2018 is the year you become the US president. Just type AMEN in the comments section.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Written by Segun Odejimi

Apostle of Sarcasm. Writer. Editor of TNSnigeria. Producer, Segun & the Gang.

Trained as a media/theatre artist and has worked in advertising, TV and radio.